onsides | fanfic ⇒ how am i supposed to live without you?

Title: how am i supposed to live without you?
Fandom: Supernatural
Word count: 889
Characters/Pairing: Sam Winchester/Dean Winchester
Rating: Adult
Tags: Episode: s05e02 Good God Y'all! (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Slow Dancing, Songfic, One Shot, Protective Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Dean Winchester can sing, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Angst, Sad Sam Winchester, yes the michael bolton song (hence the crack tag), Kissing, Sibling Incest

Summary:
The lock on the motel's door clunks loudly in the early hours of morning. They were bone weary from demon tussling and grave digging. Emotions frayed from one too many close calls and the sorrowful conversation in the Impala that followed.

“Maybe it's best we just...go our separate ways.”

“Well, I think you're right.”

“…I was expecting a fight.”

Dean pulls out all the stops to get Sam to stay.

Notes: this has been on my mind for about a week now and im pretty happy with how it turned out. a bit of silliness, A LOT of angst, and a healing amount of tender kisses ❤️‍🩹

fun fact: the originally started with an ethel cain song but just wasn't working then in comes michael bolton to save the freaking day 🫣😅

-

The lock on the motel's door clunkes loudly in the early hours of morning. They were bone weary from demon tussling and grave digging. Emotions frayed from one too many close calls and the sorrowful conversation in the Impala that followed.

“Maybe it's best we just...go our separate ways.”

“Well, I think you're right.”

“…I was expecting a fight.”

Sam's words echo in Dean’s head as they trudged silently into the room. Dean tosses his heavy pack to the floor before throwing himself onto the nearest bed. Face momentarily buried in the stale dingy pillow before coming up for fresh air. He turns his head just in time to see the only real source of light in the room fade to a sliver as the bathroom door shuts on suprisingly quiet hinges behind Sam.

Dean stares at the door, now in the dark. Mind suddenly racing in Sam's absence. Playing through all the events that lead them up to this point. Sam was leaving him. He was letting Sam leave him. How could he have let it get this bad? Sam never should have - No. They had both played their own parts in this. This whole mess. The world as they knew it was crashing down around them and seemed beyond any hope of fixing. And yet, Dean knew he had to find a way. Anything to have Sam by his side, until the very end.

Dean jumps up from the bed when he hears the muffled water fall of the shower shut off. Digging through his duffle, throwing shirts and socks left and right before grinning in triumph when he finds it. The bluetooth speaker Sam rolls mirthful eyes at every time Dean plops it down on the bathroom counter before joining him in the shower. The Ultimate Love Song Collection just barely heard over Dean’s maniacal laughter.

Sam emerges from the bathroom. A humid cloud of steam clinging to the clothes he’d hastily thrown on instead of fully drying off. He’s barely two steps from the doorway before slowing, finally hearing music. He turns, expression blank and cocks his head at the sight before him. Dean - stood in the center of the room, one hand extended towards Sam the other behind his back, falling into a graceful half bow. Dean's heart hammers in his chest, hoping against hope this doesn’t all blow up in his face.

I could hardly believe it, when I heard the news today

I had to come and get it straight from you

They said you were leavin', someone's swept your heart away

From the look upon your face I see it's true

They regard each other in the heavy silence, wondering who will break the stand-off first. Maybe Sam scoffing as he turns toward to go pack his bags. Or possibly Dean’s laughter, a gotcha finger wagging in Sam’s face springing up in a rush to hit play on the first rock playlist he can find.

And so they watch each other. Golden green eyes shimmer with unshed tears when a soft “Sammy” finally breaks the tense silence. Long legs carry him across the room in the blink of an eye, stoping short to gaze wearily at the still outstretched hand. Dean raises his eyebrows absurdly. Laugh lines creasing when Sam scoffs yet places his warm, calloused hand in Dean’s own and squeezes.

So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'

Oh, then tell me one thing more before I go.

Pulling him close, Dean palms the soft skin of Sam’s neck. Feeling the burning flush of his brother's cheek as it's pressed into his hair, a tired try at burying himself into Dean’s skin. Feeling Sam tremble when his best efforts go unrewared.

“Shhh, I’ve got you. I’m here, Sammy.” Dean soothes. Wrapping Sam's trembling body tight into an embrace, he croons the next line of lyrics into a delicate hair-hidden-ear.

Tell me, how am I supposed to live without you?

Now that I've been loving you so long

How am I supposed to live without you

And how am I supposed to carry on?

When all that I've been livin' for is gone

I'm too proud for cryin', didn't come here to break down

It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end

And how can I blame you when I built my world around

The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends?

Dean’s own eyes overflow as he leads their slow turn around the room. Swaying their bodies gracefully in the glow of moon-lit curtains. He pulls back from their tangle of limbs as the song reaches its climax, cradling Sam’s flushed face between his hands, wiping away hot tears as they fall. Eagar to erase any lasting trace of doubt, he brushs several chaste kisses across Sam's cheeks, his chin, his lips. Then looking deep into Sam’s hope glistening eyes, Dean sings.

I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming, oh

Even now it's more than I can take.

End.

[x-posted on ao3]